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This is a travesty! A sham! A mockery! A traveshamockery! How dare they portray it that way! I'm offended. I can't believe that they would make Bruce's hairy nipples the last straw in his relationship with Maddie!
What? You thought I was talking about assuming that the driver was a part of the robbery just because he's black or something? Come on, people! Focus on the big issues here.
I've had it up to my jubate chest with this hateful behavior. Are not those of us with hairy chests still human? If you cut us, do we not bleed? If you shave us, do we not grow more hair?
Sure, a hairy chest may not be the sexiest thing, but making those of us who are furry men (and not men who are furries) [1] the butt of a cruel joke is just... well, cruel.
I'm not saying that Maddie was wrong to leave Bruce. He's a douchebag. I really hope that cleansing resort he and Maddie went to was just a comedic take on those types of places and not what actually happens there. Who in their right mind (i.e. not in a drug addled haze) would believe in that junk?
But back to my point: such bigoted mocking was an unnecessary jab at a segment of the population who already experiences plenty of ridicule.
I have experienced such cruelty myself. My friends are well meaning, but they simply don't understand the emotional trauma I experience every time they tease me simply because God made me hairy. I was born hairy (or at least genetically hairy, if not actually hairy at my birth). It's not a choice. It's my life.
Respect hairy-chested men. Reject this bigoted traveshamockery.
Sincerely,
Head of the Department of People Creating No Emotional Sadness or Spite (Dept. of PCNESS)