Comic Makes ‘Valiant’ Attempt to Justify the Occupy Movement

New comic has it all: greedy, murderous bankers and blinkered Christians.

And you thought there’d never be a challenger to the popular juggernaut of Occupy Comics. Well, a plucky upstart has jumped into the market for comic books about pointless, failed social protests.

In an attempt to legitimize the “Occupy Wall Street” cause, Valiant Comics plans to release an over the top story underscoring OWS’ morality. An inherently evil organization known only as the “The One Percent” makes an appearance in the first issue of “Armstrong & Archer,” scheduled to be released to the public on Aug. 8.

The story revolves around an odd duo of heroes comprised of an ancient immortal named Armstrong with a “proclivity for inebriation” and a home-schooled Christian teenager name Archer, who is described by writer Fred Van Lente as “well-intentioned, brainwashed, and naïve.”  

They stumble upon a cult of devil-worshippers beneath the New York Stock Exchange who are more than willing to sacrifice millions of lives in countries like Greece in order to stabilize the world’s financial markets and Europe’s currency. Homeless people will also be sacrificed to a demon called Mammon that is referenced in the New Testament.  

While trying to make his satirical intentions clear, Van Lente contradicted himself in an interview the Associated Press. “American comics have a long tradition of ripping social issues from the headlines, so heroes can punch them in the face,” he said. “Superman went after lynch mobs and war profiteers in his first adventure in 1938, so ‘Archer & Armstrong is much in the same vein.”

Subsequent issues will feature feature ninja nuns underneath the Vatican Library. That is, if Armstrong isn’t too busy enlightening his Christian rube of a sidekick. According to illustrator Clayton Henry, Armstrong “spends a lot of time showing Archer that the world is lot different than what he was raised to believe.” 

So the important work of super heroes goes on as they bravely fight the ignorance of traditional Christians and keep that old Occupy spirit alive – even as the rest of us continue to wonder what the movement was really all about anyway.