“Hi kids, Planned
Parenthood here, using your parents’ tax dollar to tell you about the joys of
sleeping around! Now you may have heard that copulating like amnesiac wildebeests
in season is something to be frowned upon. Nothing could be further from the
truth! Cheap, loveless sex – wherever you can get it – is a cornerstone of a healthy,
happy adolescence. Just be sure to stop by your local Planned Parenthood for condoms!
No time for the condoms? We’ll catch you on the flipside. (Remember, there are
no adverse mental or physical health effects from abortion.) So get out there and rack 'em up!
OK, the pitch didn’t exactly go like that, but the effect
was the same. Planned Parenthood advertised the message to teens this week via
its teen Twitter [1]
and Facebook [2]
accounts by asking, “Is promiscuity a bad thing?” 
As the nation’s largest abortion mill you can guess Planned Parenthood’s answer is, “Nope. Much as you like.” Creating demand is as important to the business model as protecting the absolute right to kill infants up to and including the moment [3] the baby is born (ie. past Planned Parenthood marketing campaigns included strategies such as attempting to erase pro-life/pro-choice terminology [4].) But the “women’s health” organization brought to bear the weight of indisputable authority in the person of “Alex at Planned Parenthood.”
Alex the “expert,” pronounced through Planned Parenthood’s Tumblr [5]: “Since the number of sexual partners you’ve had doesn’t say anything about your character, your morals, or your personality – or about anything at all really– there’s nothing bad or unhealthy about having a big number of sexual partners.” Not sure what Alex thinks does say something about those fundamental aspects of being, but I bet it has something to do with recycling and your commitment to “social justice.”
Really, the only outcome sleeping around might have is, well, more money for the contraception-abortion-providing organization. Not that it needs further funding. The Planned Parenthood Federation of America, self-described as [6] “the nation’s leading sexual and reproductive health care provider and advocate,” received over 500 million dollars last fiscal year [7] in taxpayer money [8].
Alex began his post by explaining how the word “promiscuity” “can refer to a whole variety of different sexual behaviors,” although “in general, it’s a word that’s used to judge or shame people.” Heaven forbid!
While he had no qualm on numbers of partners, Alex stressed certain conditions: “Some things that can be unhealthy include having sex before you’re ready, having sex to try to seem impressive or cool, having sex when you don’t want to, having sex with people you don’t like/trust/care about, and having sex without using protection – like condoms and birth control.”
If teens meet these requirements and feel “confident” about “sexual decisions,” then they’re free to indulge. “You have nothing to worry about – even if someone calls you or your behavior, ‘promiscuous,’” Alex assured. Besides, its terrific practice for the soulless hook-up lifestyle Planned Parenthood will be encouraging when you’re in college and your twenties.